


Absolution

by RobberBride



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 07:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19246606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobberBride/pseuds/RobberBride
Summary: Rey and Kylo connect through the force for the first time after Crait.





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> This little drabble has been sitting in my brain (and on my computer) for about a year and a half. Finally worked up the resolve to post it.

Rey sighed. It had been a long, hard day. Between hand-to-hand combat training and practicing with the lightsaber, her muscles felt like they were on fire. This was the first moment she’d had to herself, and she looked forward to a hot shower and the chance to clear her mind.

Entering her private ‘fresher – what a luxury that was! – she removed a candle and matches from the cabinet next to the sink. Keeping the lights off, she turned on the shower and allowed it to warm up. She then lit the candle and placed it in a small blue jar. It bathed the room in a calming light that reminded her of Ahch-To at dusk, when the last rays of sunlight reflected off the ocean.

Rey stepped into the shower and let the warmth wash over her. She stood there for a few minutes, allowing her neck and shoulders to relax. Picking up a bottle of shampoo, she squirted a dollop into her hand before lathering it into her hair and slowly massaging her scalp. Eyes closed, she inhaled the scent of citrus and musk wafting around her and allowed herself to slip into a state of calm. This was the closest she ever came to meditating, lately.

As she was rinsing the last of the suds from her hair, Rey felt something. A small ripple in the air around her. She opened her eyes. Kylo Ren was standing in front of her, his back turned, his head slightly hunched. In the dark blue light, he looked like a ghost. He was close enough that she could have reached out and touched him. Though his cloak was shielding his body from view, she could sense the stiffness in his stance. He knew she was there.

“Don’t turn around,” Rey whispered, her hands starting to tremble slightly.

Kylo stayed silent and still. She could hear only his ragged breathing, its rhythm matching hers.

“Go away.” It was more of a plea than a command. “Go away,” Rey repeated, her voice faltering as her eyes started to sting.

Kylo’s head dropped forward even further but he made no visible effort to leave. Rey stared at the back of his neck until he disappeared. She thought she saw him turn ever-so-slightly before he faded away. She remained frozen for several minutes, her gaze fixed on the spot where he’d been standing. When she finally closed her eyes, they almost immediately snapped open again.

The sensation was back – but Kylo Ren wasn’t there. She saw only the cool blue light dancing on the shower walls. Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, finally finding it in herself to move. She picked up a bottle of jasmine-scented wash and lathered it over her skin, focusing on the smell and trying not to think about what had just happened.

Just as she was absent-mindedly running her hands over the back of her neck, Rey felt him again. Kylo was behind her this time. She could sense his emotions and it angered her. He was… sad. And full of longing. That seemed unfair, somehow – she wanted him to be furious with her. To make it easier for her to push him away. To make it harder to give in to her weakness.

Kylo’s fingertips ghosted across Rey’s shoulder. She stiffened for a second before relaxing under his touch. Gaining courage, Kylo gently trailed his hand downward along her spine, making Rey shiver under the warm water.

“Ben,” she breathed out almost inaudibly.

Excruciatingly slowly, Kylo moved forward to press himself against her back. Rey could feel that he wasn’t wearing anything this time. He gripped her hip with one hand and the other glided slowly to the top of her right thigh. Rey’s heart was threatening to explode out of her chest. She wanted to touch him but couldn’t find the strength to move. Instead, she leaned back into him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“Don’t be afraid, I feel it too,” Kylo murmured against her ear.

Rey straightened up, suddenly hyperaware of what they were doing. She brought her hands to rest on top of his but, before she could get the chance to unwrap them from around her body, Kylo vanished again.

\---

It had been eight days since the force had connected them for the first time since Crait and Rey couldn’t get Kylo Ren out of her mind. There had been so much sadness and despair radiating from him. And something else, too, when he had touched her – something close to relief.

Her nightly showers had turned into a vigil of sorts. Rey would wait – half-hoping, half-dreading – for him to appear. It had been so easy to convince herself she hated him when she believed this bond between them was severed. Now, all she could think about was how his hands had felt on her.

Rey willed herself to concentrate on the hot water running down her back, attempting to empty her mind. It was no good. Every time she closed her eyes, Kylo dominated her thoughts. She let out a sharp breath and slammed her fists against the tile wall.

After taking a few minutes to collect herself, Rey turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Bracing herself against the sink, she stared in the mirror. The blue light made her look sick and haunted. She waited for something, anything, to happen. Nothing did.

After what felt like hours, Rey wrapped herself in a towel and opened the door to leave. She froze. There he was again, just over the threshold – wearing the same devastated look he’d given her when she had closed the Falcon’s door on him. The harsh light from the hall shone like a halo around his head.

Rey opened her mouth slightly then closed it again without a word. They looked at each other for an eternity, neither of them moving but for the rising and falling of their chests. Slowly, as though his arm had become unbearably heavy, Kylo stretched a pleading hand toward her.

Rey suddenly blinked as though coming out of a trance. She mechanically lifted her arm and closed the door firmly, immediately leaning back against it. She could still sense him on the other side. She spread her palms against the cold metal, willing it to chill her blood, but all she felt were the warm tears running down her cheeks.

_“Rey”_. It wasn’t a word he spoke out loud. It was a prayer she felt through the force, uttered by a sinner who longed for absolution.

Rey stood there until she was sure he was gone. When she opened the door to that empty hallway, the tears flowed harder than ever.


End file.
